Albert Dryden

Albert Dryden became the first man to murder someone on national TV in England. This is a first that I believe places Dryden in the 'great' category, even if he was a dickhead for doing such an impossible to get away with crime.

It all started for Dryden when he wanted to build a bungalow for his mother on a piece of land he owned in the countryside. Unfortunately the land that he owned could not be built upon because it was considered 'unspoiled agricultural land', and therefore it had to remain so.

The problem that Dryden had was that Derwentside planning officer Harry Collinson joked that the building would need to be shorter than three feet for it to be legal. It seems that Harry didn't get the joke (neither do I) and began planning a way to build a three foot high bungalow.

Albert found a way that it could be done eventually. He would build it below the ground. He took the joke to be permission to build, and started digging.

After a few weeks he had finished his job. He had a bungalow below the ground, although a newspaper described the building as a 'monstrosity'.

Harry Collinson demanded that the 'monstrosity' be pulled down, claiming it was a joke to all buildings, but all this did was make Dryden more determined to keep his underground shack.

The case for both the weirdo Dryden, and the smug prick Collinson, was heard at the local court where it was decided that the 'building' was to be destroyed.

When Harry Collinson arrived with the demolition crew to remove the beastly building they were met by a very angry countryside loony that was not going to give up his bungalow without a fight. Also at the site were reporters from local papers, pressmen, police and a local TV crew. They had all been following this mad woodsman's plight against the establishment and knew that something bizarre was bound to happen on this day. But it's fair to assume that none of them expected what was about to happen.

Albert Dryden pulled out an antique pistol, aimed it at his planning official nemesis, and blew part of his head off, killing him. He then turned to face the press, who decided that the story wasn't worth dying around for. They fled for their lives, not realizing that Albert was actually trying to surrender to the crowd. Eventually police figured out that he had done what he had set out to do, and he was arrested without further incident.

So there you have it. The first ever televised murder in Britain. And a pretty crazy guy to boot.