| This short story is based on a plot that places it firmly in the realmof AU although the author doesn’t specify it as such: Catherine Langford and Ernest Littlefield are Daniel’s grandparents on his mother’s side. Catherine has decided it’s time for Daniel to know the truth about his family history and he is invited out to her house to talk. On the plus side, both Daniel’s team and General Hammond are depicted as caring about his well-being. Catherine and Ernest also come across as sympathetic characters, both worried how Daniel will take the news. The details surrounding Daniel’s mother’s birth and her subsequent adoption are convoluted but mostly plausible. However, in my opinion the flaws in this story outweigh the benefits. This author's beta-reader really let her down: there is inconsistent punctuation, poor spelling and the author has a tendency to tell instead of show, all things a good beta would have helped the author fix. I also found the omniscient point of view confusing in several places because scene changes weren’t indicated in an obvious manner. The author’s characterisations don't always fit my image of the characters. For example: "The General said with a smirk" (a smirking General Hammond?) and the way a stunned and miserable Daniel chose to sit in public view in the Gate room instead of wanting to be alone in private. All things considered, the idea is certainly original and the story is left on a positive note: Daniel will be able to find out more about his parents which he will undoubtedly appreciate. |
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