BOOZING OUT IN MELBOURNE PUBS

The Ratings

The Reviews

CONNELL'S  Time was the late, great Graeme Harris had his own stool at Connell's.  "You can't sit there, that's Harry's stool" they would say.  Those days passed with Graeme himself.  Now Connell's is a largely empty pub frequented by backpackers and the irresolute.  It has the inevitable LCD TV playing continuous loops of the latest MTV trash and is a dark and dreary place with puddles of sickly light illuminating the emptiness of the bar and the lives of those who are regulars.  The music, according to the barmaid, is never turned off so if you're looking for somewhere quiet and relaxing to visit for some light refreshment, this is not your ideal hotel.

HOSIES  This pub always had a risque reputation and in these more licentious and simultaneously simpler times, that hasn't changed.  You can now go there and see the topless barmaids and drink a reasonably cold beer while admiring the pole work of the strippers and the whoops of the Mediterranean gentlemen who prefer that sort of thing.  Definitely not the place to take the missus or anyone's missus unless she's extremely liberal-minded or might fancy the odd bit of pole work herself.  It's impossible to be heard over the music and the spruiker attempting to gee people up to appreciating the strippers even more loudly is a bloody annoyance.

STEWARTS  This is now one of the increasing number of theme pubs around the place, and known as Pugg Mahones.  For the benefit of scholars, this very loosely translates as 'kiss your arse' from the (Irish) Gaelic 'pog' meaning 'kiss' and presumably another Erse word that I haven't been able to look up.  If you're the sort of person who can stand phony accents and being asked whether you want a 'double shot' Black Russian this might be your pub.  In reality it's not a bad venue since yuo can kind of get away from the band and they have these little booths set up with just a half-dozen stools in them where you can sit for a quiet snifter or ten - and the band isn't on every night.

Last revised: Monday March 28, 2011 05:23:26 PM