Maya Receiving Her First Deeksha in India
Submitted 25 Jan 2005 by: Maya, Adelaide Australia
This article is from Maya’s diary detailing her first enlightenment deeksha given by the monks of Golden City on Friday, 5 March 2004.
Friday, 5 th March 2004
Today we get our deeksha!
We had such a late night last night that the dasajis (monks) said we could start our session later in the morning. Yesterday afternoon and evening I had a pretty bad headache but at least my stiffness went away. I have a feeling that today will be a very hot day as it is only 7.15am, we are sitting outside having breakfast, and I could feel the heat of the sun on my back. Usually at this time it is much cooler. Oh well, how will I experience this tomorrow? Last night Anandagiri (senior monk) said that there was nothing we could do to hinder or help the process that will occur during deeksha, but if we are relaxed that will help to make it go in faster. He said if we have doubts or bad thoughts or any expectations, just allow that to be, as we need to be ourselves. Bhagavan will take care of the rest. Just trust Bhagavan and the process. People who have faith and surrender themselves at this time seem to have deeper experiences more quickly.
8am start.
We started the morning program off with bhajans (devotional singing), followed by a talk about enlightenment and the actual process that we will under-go, including what is expected of us. This morning I was feeling quite anxious about the deeksha and there was definitely fear in my body, but 2 hours later I feel like I am numb. I have gone quiet and my energy seems to be self-contained. It is getting harder for me to talk with others or even take much notice of any activities happening outside of myself. I have become very self absorbed. It is now 10.15am as I am writing this and the deeksha process starts at 11am. We need to go to the deeksha hall at 10.30am. The hall is very close to this hall we are now in.
I can feel Bhagavan even closer to me right now. I feel Him on my right side. His body is pressing very firmly against mine. That’s how close he is. Hopefully, the next stage will be that I can feel Him firmly inside my heart. LOVE.
11am Deeksha.
Well, what can I say about this period! I am writing this the next morning because at the time, and even in the evening, I could not bring myself to write anything, the task seemed too huge, even overwhelming. So I’ll give it my best shot now. I might just break this all up into chunks, seems an easier task like that.
Everybody came into the deeksha hall early, except for Jennifer and myself, so we had to be seated right in the very back. At first we were very disappointed about this but soon realised that we had the best spot in the house because we were right next to the back door, the very door that Bhagavan would be soon walking through. We had the opportunity to see him close up as he arrived and entered the hall. To me Bhagavan looked older and serious (later I found out from the dasajis that Bhagavan was inwardly focused because he was already transmitting the cosmic energy to the deeksha givers). He didn’t appear to look around at anybody but looked straight ahead. I can’t say that I felt any connection with his physical form at that time.
Bhagavan wore a very beautiful white and gold robe, much like in his formal pictures. He appeared very much a divine being and the energy as he walked passed pulsated through everything. Even though I didn’t feel a connection with his physical form I could definitely feel his immense power and presence.
Bhagavan walked up to the dais and sat in his chair covered in white cloth. One of the monks fitted a little microphone to his robe and Bhagavan addressed the group by first welcoming us. He than spoke for a short time about the deeksha process and answered questions. I do not remember a single word of what he had said.
Even before Bhagavan had entered the hall the monks were clearly connecting with him. Some of the monks appeared to be in states of rapture, whilst others went into laughing Buddha states, and others were staggering around like they were completely drunk.
There was a brief ceremony in which the Moola Mantra was chanted after which the dasajis went up to Bhagavan one at a time to receive the GOLDEN BALL containing the enlightenment initiation energy. There were 5 male and 5 female dasajis giving deekshas. As each one received the Golden Ball from Bhagavan other dasajis would quickly come to help that dasaji back to his or her seat. Once the dasajis received the divine energy they were incapable of walking on their own, one dasaji even went unconscious from the power of the energy.
There were about 200 of us receiving deeksha. It was a one at a time process. The females were seated in the right side of the hall and received deeksha from the female dasajis whilst the males sat on the left side and received from the male dasajis. Since Jennifer and I were in the back we had a very long wait, but a good opportunity to observe the whole process.
The whole event for so extraordinary for the majority of us, we have never come across anything even remotely similar to this. Each participant responded differently to the deekshas. After receiving their deekshas, some cried, some laughed, some screamed, some jumped around or danced, yet others went into deep states of silence and had to be carried back to their mats. It was like a very strange movie. The energy in the hall was so powerful that I could see waves of energy permeating everything. It was as if we were moving in a sea of vibrations.
As I was waiting in line for my deeksha (and we were waiting for hours!) I felt very calm and peaceful. I had a great deal of energy going through my body and if I tensed up even a little I would begin to shake. If I relaxed I didn’t shake but I could still feel the buzz in my body. I didn’t feel excited but I felt very happy and my mind was very calm. Not many thoughts. Occasionally I would have a doubtful thought but that thought didn’t stick.
When it was my turn for deeksha I approached the female dasajis giving deekshas on my knees and my hands in prayer position. The first dasaji had Bhagavan’s silver sandals. As she placed them on my head and pressed down I could feel what felt like electricity being transmitted from the sandals into my head. I could clearly see shapes like little coloured triangles and squares appearing and disappearing behind my closed eyes. Otherwise not much appeared to happen. When I had to move to the next dasaji I found moving a little more difficult and my body was shaking slightly. This dasaji held a vessel with holy water that she sprinkled over us using a flower. She was in such a high state (as were all the deeksha givers) that she just laughed and laughed, occasionally screamed with laughter. She was truly amazing to watch. I was instructed to look into her eyes as she placed her hands upon my head for the energy transmission. I was beaming. But I didn’t experience much else. Then I was gently prodded to go to the 3 rd dasaji. She poured something into my head (not physical). I think it might have been the Golden Ball, but it felt like a stream of water. It was very cool and refreshing as it was entering my crown chakra. I was instructed to look into her eyes as well. I looked and she seemed very happy. Then I was prodded again to move to the 4 th dasaji. It was much harder this time. I could not move well. I don’t really know what this dasaji did or had for us but I looked into her eyes and she placed her hands on my head. I was very much shaking by this time, the energy in my body was very intense. The funny thing was that she had a little B.O. and in my head I thought, “you smell”, she looked at me very lovingly in that moment and laughed and laughed. I then dragged myself to the 5 th and last dasaji. I looked into her eyes as well. She also placed her hands on my head. By this time I was feeling extremely happy and I just wanted to place my head in her lap and stay like that for a while. She was so very beautiful. Suddenly I had a strong desire to be just like them. When she was finishing she placed her hands on the side of my face, just holding me like that and looking at my very lovingly. I was looking back at her with love and admiration. As she slowly withdrew her hands I turned my head sideways and kissed the palm of her hand. She smiled at me even more.
THEN I HAD TO TRY AND GET UP. One of the female assistants quickly came to my aid. With her help I managed to lift myself up somehow and walk. It was very difficult. Quickly another assistant came to my other side. Now I had two people helping me to walk. The second assistant was the western dasaji. She looked at me with so much love. I was feeling like I was very nicely drunk. We made it to a spare mat and I was gently lowered to the floor. At that moment my legs collapsed from under me. I lay down and closed my eyes, my body was really shaking but it eventually stopped as I completely relaxed.
Even though my body was totally out of it I was mentally very alert, I just couldn’t physically move. From time to time I could smell an awful smell that reminded me of fly spray. As I lay on my mat I asked mentally, “God where are you?” and straight away a voice came back saying, “I am here”. Now I could feel God right next to me holding my hand. I was easily able to have a conversation with God. I said to God, “even though I can feel you, I still cannot see you” and God said, “not yet, that will come soon”. I thanked God very much for His grace in giving me enlightenment. One of the questions I asked God was if he was operating on my brain yet and he said “yes”. I said that I didn’t feel anything and God said, “would you like too?” I had a brief think about this and decided no because in my life I feel that I have suffered enough already, so why experience more pain unnecessarily. I did notice that whenever I smelled that fly spray I went into deeper states of relaxation.
After a period of time I was able to open my eyes and look around. I could see Jennifer lying across from me next to Uttama who was totally out of it. There were many other participants also very out of it. The laughing and crying ones have gone very quiet as well, and are now apparently sound asleep. The helper are still keeping a close eye on everybody and giving out drinking water where needed. Because God was here with me and I could clearly feel Him. As a play, every few minutes I kept asking, “where are you?” and straight away the answer was “here” and I would feel God holding my hand. I felt extremely loved and cared for.
After a while (maybe an hour or more) I saw Jennifer getting up. She saw that I was looking at her so she came over. She told me that nothing happened to her, she hadn’t felt anything and was feeling completely normal. I felt her sadness. She was about to get up and go out when I asked her if she could get me a drink since she was Ok. I was so thirsty, all I wanted was a cold guava drink. Jennifer kindly got me my drink. Drinking it was like drinking nectar. It was so refreshing and beautiful that I had two in a row.
At some stage as I was still laying there and looking around, I looked at Uttama curled up and still unconscious, I felt so much love all of a sudden. Everything I looked at I felt a love for. I even felt tremendous love for my yoga mat that I was laying down on and I was so glad that this beautiful mat allowed me to lay on it.
Eventually (maybe 2-3 hours later) I was able to get up very slowly and go to the loo. I was still very thirsty and had another cold guava drink. Delicious. I then felt the need to have a shower.
6pm another session
We all re grouped and did an ananda mandala meditation during which we had another less intense deeksha by the dasajis. Because I was still intoxicated from the first deeksha, the second deeksha made me non-functional again. Jennifer felt more during this deeksha and went into a laughing Buddha state for a short period.
Monday, 8 th March 2004
I feel like I am finally on the right side of the fence. I feel very, very content with life and everything. I know with all certainty that God is “right here” because I could feel God’s presence very strongly, much more so than ever before in my life. I feel peaceful and I’m not worrying about things like I used to. It doesn’t matter to me where I sit, if I will eat today, or even if we go somewhere or not. All is Ok. I feel so connected with God and trust that God is completely guiding my life. So what is there to worry about?
Two months later
I am back in Australia and have resumed my normal life. Not really, that was impossible! It is such a strange thing because I feel like NOTHING HAS CHANGED, YET EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT! I feel the same old me yet I have found that in my daily life and work I do not react to situations like I used to, instead I feel a deep calm and acceptance regarding life. I do not feel alone or abandoned by God like I used to either. Now I feel God’s presence with me every moment. I also now have a sense that God is experiencing life through me. I must say that this is quite an extraordinary feeling, like nothing that I have ever experienced before. I still feel separate from God but at the same time completely loved and protected.
Now, when I have my buttons pressed, or negativity takes over, I experience it fully and at the same time I have complete awareness around it. At work and in general, I feel more compassionate towards people. This has helped me to become much more tolerant and understanding of others. At time I am able to fully connect with their pain and suffering. I feel myself being much more aware of peoples’ feelings and thoughts and seem to be able to respond to that in a more appropriate manner. I now seem to give people what they need without being asked. I still have likes and dislikes, but I now do not judge the dislikes so readily, I can see a higher perspective for everything.
All in all, I am completely relaxed and accepting of the things life dishes out to me. At every moment I feel God all around me. There is a deep knowing within me that all that happens is for a reason. I now have complete trust and faith and have finally let go of the need to understand or control my life, because I have finally come to the realisation that it was only ever God who was and is in control. It only took me 40 years to realise this, so I guess I am lucky!
September 2004
I went to India to participate in a 21-day retreat. During this retreat our group received a further 16 deekshas and a special initiation which gave us the ability to give deekshas to others. This is another story though and I may write about it at a later date.
May Bhagavan and Amma fill our hearts with love and joy.
Love Maya