Church Plays

© Wendy Noble 1999

CHARACTERS: Harold, an inn-keeper and Betty, his wife.

Harold is seated reading a newspaper.  Enter Betty, wiping her hands on her apron...

BETTY  That nice young couple's baby has arrived. It's a boy, and they've called him Jesus. It's wonderful isn't it!

HAROLD (Still reading paper.)  Mmmm.

BETTY Harold, pay attention. I said, it's wonderful.

HAROLD (Lowering paper.) It's just another baby.  Very nice but not wonderful.

BETTY  It is when he has his own choir of angels.

HAROLD (Picking up paper and beginning to read.) Yes I suppose it is. (Pauses. Frowns.  Lowers paper.) Did you say angels?

BETTY That's right.

HAROLD Betty! What have you been drinking?

BETTY  Go on, stick your head out the window and have a look. You'll hear them from here.

HAROLD (Goes to window, listens intently.  Looks shocked.) Good heavens!  (Sits down.  Thinks, frowning.)  How long do you think they'll keep that up?

BETTY  Is that all you can say?

HAROLD Well, it's bound to be bad for business. People will complain about the noise...and they'll think we're religious nuts.

BETTY  Rubbish!   Anyway, how can you think of business, when God is in our stable?

HAROLD Eh?  What are you talking about now? God is in heaven, where He should be.

BETTY  That's not what those angels are saying. They're saying He's been born in our stable.

HAROLD And what would they know about God?  Look, dopey, God can’t have been born, because He already exists and if, for some strange reason, He did turn up down here it wouldn't be in a stable and it definitely wouldn't be in ours!

BETTY  I don't see why not. It's a perfectly good stable as stables go. It's far better than that stuck-up June Smith's stable.   Why she puts on such airs I'll never know.  Why just the other day......

HAROLD (Interrupting.)   Look!  The point is, God doesn't belong in a stable. He belongs in Heaven, or maybe the temple.  But definitely not in a stable. That's far too ordinary and poor for God.   Besides, you're suggesting God has become a human being!  You'd better watch who you say that sort of stuff to; they could have you stoned for blasphemy.

BETTY  Phooey!  I believe those angels. (Stands up, and stares out the window;  is shocked) Harold, there's some shepherds in our yard.

HAROLD What!  I'm not having those dirty mongrels in my hotel. (Standing up to join wife at window)...  What are they up to?

BETTY  They're kneeling down near the stable door.  Looks like they're praying!

HAROLD (Taken aback.)  Well, I'll be blessed.

BETTY  (Thoughtfully.) Yes. I expect so... I said that baby was wonderful.   Come on, let’s see what’s going on.   (EXIT.)

THE END

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