"The Rock" by Rampant Catabilis
Painfully extracted from the files of the Tactical Women's Assault Team
Rampant Catabilis takes you to The Rock, an asteroid being terraformed as a community environmental project situated in the Blue Cluster, one of many Asteroid Belt districts. The OuttaLife scheme (teaching society's waste products to get "more outta life") is the deformed brainchild of Dowl Maker. He enlisted the help of the Solar System's vastest and most fatuous charity organisation, Grace Over Destitution, to bring his learning-through-terraforming project to fruition.
But it was a pact with the Devil. For all its charitable aims, as listed in the 3000-page Vision Statement and Ethics Manifesto (which must be displayed in a prominent position on the walls of every G.O.D. office precisely 30 degrees south of the logo), Grace Over Destitution is chained to the financial support of agencies such as D.E.E.E.E.E.T.Y.E.E.H.A, V.E.E.T, G.E.E.C, M.E.E.E.E.E.E.T. and the granddaddy of them all, E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.C.H. Grace Over Destitution is also a subsidiary of Daikon Interplanetary (as are most world governments, along with D.E.E.E.E.E.T.Y.E.E.H.A, V.E.E.T, G.E.E.C, M.E.E.E.E.E.E.T. and the granddaddy of them all, E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.C.H.) It is also subject to the wiles of those creatures within its adminisphere, such as Peat Snoates and his henchwench Cherry Bomb, and a victim of the ineptitude of its front-line managers such as Ivan Polyestervitch. Not to mention infiltration from a sinister alien species...
So the Rock's tale is ultimately a tragedy, a tale that should have been scripted by those doyennes of turn of the century drama, Luscious Desire and Betsy Ballcock. A true modern classic.
Raving Reviews for "The Rock"
"A survival guide to the adminisphere, essential reading for anyone contemplating a career in the neutron-star world of office administration. When I read it I kept having flashbacks... but since quitting caff I feel much much better..." Jennie Pritchard, reformed superfunctionary.
"Wot? Can't read nuffink." Deth Becomser, serial mass murderer and breeder of blue-ribbon dahlias.
"It didn't teach me anything about environmentalism, and there's no sex in it either. As for chaos, I wrote that book." Nefarious Porpoise, the solar system's Most Wanted Cetacean and famous terrorist.
"Funniest thing I've read in years!" De Sade Society.
"A figment of your collective imagination." MiB.
"A Lie." D.E.E.E.E.E.T.Y.E.E.H.A. Marketing Division.
"Born again? They should be!" Ronald Cupboard.
"A highly informative guide to both terraforming and people management from one of our premier training programs." D.E.E.E.E.E.T.Y.E.E.H.A. Publicity Division.
"Tarka and Xoron probably have all the qualities a modern-day heroine could possibly wish to possess. It's a pity they don't bother to exhibit them in any way." Paul McDermott, President of Australia 2030-2100.
"How could the story of some under-zealous environmentalists and their totally unsuccessful attempts to either grow plants, run an organisation or rehabilitate the less fortunate be of any interest? To anyone? And yet... it's strangely difficult to forget those poignant scenes as they rush to their doom... also unsuccessfully. For the first time in my life I found failure almost interesting. Then I lost interest. They failed again. Fascinating." Spockian Human Society and Culture Observation and Analysis Society.
"Couldn't read the story - dreadful stuff - all about humans. Loved the packaging." Kirkadian Trading Exchange Library.
"Taste Good!" Adolescent larval form of a Picardian Announcer, Alpha Centauri School of Advanced Linguistics.
This page was brought to you by KirkMart.