McJesus Drama

Characters

• Cashier
• Warm-fuzzy
• Judge
• Sunday
• Christian

Script

Cashier:

Cha-Ching.... Welcolme to McJesus. May I take your order please?

Warm-fuzzy:

Yeah, I'm not sure what you call it but I want the Jesus that gives me everything I ask for. You know, answers all my prayers immediately. And I've got a pretty long request list so you better make it with the works.

Cashier:

I'm sorry, we're all out of the Sugar Daddy Jesus today.

Warm-fuzzy:

Oh. Well, I guess I'd settle for a Jesus that won't ever let anything really bad happen to me. You see I don't like pain. Pain hurts me.

Cashier:

Oh! You want the Warm Fuzzy Jesus

Warm-fuzzy:

Yeah, with extra gushy, mushy love.

Cashier:

Give me a Warm Fuzzy - extra sweet!

Cha-Ching.... Welcome to McJesus. May I take your order please?

Judge:

I'd like the condemning Jesus #5.

Cashier:

Will that be with or without mercy?

Judge:

Hold the mercy.

Cashier:

Will you have any lightning bolts with that?

Judge:

Yeah extra lightning bolts.

Cashier:

Wow, you must have a lot of enemies.

Judge:

Well, I'd like to think that I'm just trying to clean up the world a little bit. You know, get rid of the prostitutes, drug addicts, homosexuals, ...my boss...

Cashier:

Oh I see, kind of a selective early judgement day.

Judge:

Yeah, and someone who'll let me hate these people without feeling guilty.

Cashier:

You're in luck! We're running a special today on the Terminator Jesus

Judge:

Righteous.

Cashier:

Is there anything else?

Judge:

I'll be back.

Cashier:

Ba Bing. Next

Sunday:

I would like to buy three dollars worth of Jesus please. Not enough to make me a fanatic or drastically alter my lifestyle but just enough to make me feel comfortable. I don't want enough of him to make me love someone with AIDS or become a missionary or anything. Just give me a pound of the supernatural in a paper sack.

Cashier:

Anything else?

Sunday:

That's all.

Cashier:

Give me a number 7.

Cha-Ching ... Welcome to McJesus may I take your order please?

Christian:

Yes, I'd like the real Jesus please.

Cashier:

Will that be the real Jesus number 1, 2 or 3?

Christian:

How can there be more than one real Jesus?

Cashier:

This is McJesus, where you can have any kind of Jesus you want! C'mon have it your way.

Christian:

I don't want him in my way. ... Maybe I'm in the wrong place. I want the one true Jesus. The one in the Bible.

Cashier:

Oh the bible. Why didn't you say that before? You need to go to our McBible location on Southside

Christian:

McBible?

Cashier:

Yeah McBible. They have 33 different varieties of the good book to choose from. With or without miracles. No prophecy, extra prophecy. Cut and paste versions. You name it!

Christian:

No thanks. I'll stick with the bible I've got.

Cashier:

Suit yourself. NEXT!