:-) McJesus Drama


Characters

Script

Cashier:
Cha-Ching.... Welcolme to McJesus. May I take your order please?
Warm-fuzzy:
Yeah, I'm not sure what you call it but I want the Jesus that gives me everything I ask for. You know, answers all my prayers immediately. And I've got a pretty long request list so you better make it with the works.
Cashier:
I'm sorry, we're all out of the Sugar Daddy Jesus today.
Warm-fuzzy:
Oh. Well, I guess I'd settle for a Jesus that won't ever let anything really bad happen to me. You see I don't like pain. Pain hurts me.
Cashier:
Oh! You want the Warm Fuzzy Jesus
Warm-fuzzy:
Yeah, with extra gushy, mushy love.
Cashier:
Give me a Warm Fuzzy - extra sweet!
Cha-Ching.... Welcome to McJesus. May I take your order please?
Judge:
I'd like the condemning Jesus #5.
Cashier:
Will that be with or without mercy?
Judge:
Hold the mercy.
Cashier:
Will you have any lightning bolts with that?
Judge:
Yeah extra lightning bolts.
Cashier:
Wow, you must have a lot of enemies.
Judge:
Well, I'd like to think that I'm just trying to clean up the world a little bit. You know, get rid of the prostitutes, drug addicts, homosexuals, ...my boss...
Cashier:
Oh I see, kind of a selective early judgement day.
Judge:
Yeah, and someone who'll let me hate these people without feeling guilty.
Cashier:
You're in luck! We're running a special today on the Terminator Jesus
Judge:
Righteous.
Cashier:
Is there anything else?
Judge:
I'll be back.
Cashier:
Ba Bing. Next
Sunday:
I would like to buy three dollars worth of Jesus please. Not enough to make me a fanatic or drastically alter my lifestyle but just enough to make me feel comfortable. I don't want enough of him to make me love someone with AIDS or become a missionary or anything. Just give me a pound of the supernatural in a paper sack.
Cashier:
Anything else?
Sunday:
That's all.
Cashier:
Give me a number 7.
Cha-Ching ... Welcome to McJesus may I take your order please?
Christian:
Yes, I'd like the real Jesus please.
Cashier:
Will that be the real Jesus number 1, 2 or 3?
Christian:
How can there be more than one real Jesus?
Cashier:
This is McJesus, where you can have any kind of Jesus you want! C'mon have it your way.
Christian:
I don't want him in my way. ... Maybe I'm in the wrong place. I want the one true Jesus. The one in the Bible.
Cashier:
Oh the bible. Why didn't you say that before? You need to go to our McBible location on Southside
Christian:
McBible?
Cashier:
Yeah McBible. They have 33 different varieties of the good book to choose from. With or without miracles. No prophecy, extra prophecy. Cut and paste versions. You name it!
Christian:
No thanks. I'll stick with the bible I've got.
Cashier:
Suit yourself. NEXT!

This document copyright (c) 1995 by Mathew Pole. Reproduction and/or distribution for non-commercial purposes is permissible providing that the drama is left fully intact. Permission is given to modify the drama for personal use, under the condition that the changes are not redistributed. Please send additions or corrections to Mathew and Paulyn Pole (mathew.paulyn@iname.com)
Last changed: Saturday 12 August 1995