(12 May 2004):
"The interaction of energy at the quantum level appears to be governed by chance rather than strict physical laws. Philosophers speculate that the probability equations underlying these quantum events are in fact the entry point to a wide-ranging theory of multiple universes, which by their very existence resolve the fundamental tension of a probability based system. Given that in the ideal universe where intentions and results are matched, this email will be received only by its intended recipients, we can assert that there exists a range of universes in which this email will invariably reach the wrong recipient. Is this then the ideal universe, or one in which the chain of events that begins with the sending of this email will lead - in an unstoppable chain reaction - to the receipt of this email by the incorrect recipient? The answer is simple but irrelevant. Put simply, whether this is the universe in which the email was meant for you, or one of the alternate universes in which the email was misdirected to you...rest assured that in the grand scheme of things, every possible option has been fulfilled, multi-versal balance has been maintained."Certainly took the disclaimer in new directions...
But this wouldn't be a competition without runner-ups...
If you are not an intended recipient and you have read this email, you may receive a mysterious phone call saying that you will die in seven days. Your demise will be predicated by bizarre events, coinciding with the contents of this email; and can only be averted by determining the intentions of the dishevelled little girl with her face obscured by long hair, who appears in your terrifying, nightmarish visions.Fringe, but cute...
Congratulations! The rest of you: stick that in your footer and smoke it!
14th April - The increasingly common 'disclaimer' is a blight on our emails. They are an electronic intrusion - bureaucratic paranoia disguised as business need. They serve to subtly remind the employee that even their thoughts are company property, and are as bland as the Network Nazis that wrote them.
Surely you could do better!
Here's your chance. Create an absurd, outlandish, or humourous disclaimer to attach to your emails. Send it to me, and you could be the proud winner of a bottle of red!
Here's one I prepared earlier, to get the ball rolling:
"This email may contain sensitive or confidential information and is only for its intended recipient(s). You may have received this email in error. If so, it's our little secret, okay? Don't tell anyone about this, not even Mum or Dad. The reason you feel dirty is because you've been bad."For some of you, this will be the only corporate activism you partake in this year, so make it count! The rest of you, stop toilet-sleeping and enter this competition!